he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
