Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
