Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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