when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
420 ftw
Where is the hickey?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
