I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
