Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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