I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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