i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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