Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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