When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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