Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
