do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
