Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
