Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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