eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
