they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
they need to just BURY HIM!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
