It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
