My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
