The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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