DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
