If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
