She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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