woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
