Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just google imaged poop.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
