Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
