I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
