I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Randomize
