That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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