somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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