I heard we made out
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I touched a dick in church today
I have post one night stand depression
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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