Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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