Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
