Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I will be naked everywhere
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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