Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
