dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
