I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
