and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
