the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
