I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
