my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
