she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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