i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
