found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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