She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
