if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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