I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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