where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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