he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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