Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
they're like a gay fantastic four
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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