3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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