Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just googled if crying burns calories
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
