Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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