Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
